And All The World...

I need to know,
In simple quiet terms from you,
From your voice and mouth and lips,
From your eyes when they are not so red,
Or perhaps from when you are not so tired as I am,
That I have not failed you.

There is a boulder of fear pressing between my shoulder blades
And every vertebrae aches with gravel and rock prying
Cracking them open into lean crevices while I wait knowing
That a strangers voice resounded louder than my own,
When I had sought to comfort, to love you so.
There is a fear there like animal hides on a long sharp fence
Fetid in hot summer and cold winters frozen
Sharp and musky, it bleeds into my skin,
The pigment tattoo ink echoing a lifetime of sorrys.

I cannot ask you now
Not tonight when the wounds are still fresh
When the muscle is still exposed
When the puss thickens still
I have to wait, wait, wait
Wait
For you to rise, my rock, from the sea-
Whatever tides come towards me I can bear them for the undertow
Just waiting quietly for the words to wash over
Fate to be sealed.
You have not spoken yet but I see your shoulders
Slumped and strange and heavy with burdens I don’t know how to approach
How to lift?
Do I treat them as ghosts walking down passageways?
Do I repell them as poltergeists?
Do I call them like lost loved ones so dear to me
Or do I let you carry them and gain strength?
I am afraid that when I step away you will not let me step back
I am afraid, that when I let you know even-eyed and quiet
That this is okay, this happens, we are all inevitably, fatefully and wretchedly human-
That you will shake your head
And prove me wrong.